Wow its been 8 months since I have been on my blog guess I forgot I had one for a while its not like any one reads it but me and then when I do read what I put from before it makes me sad. I am feeling very depressed and having a hard time with it all I want to do is cry the last few days, so much emotion going on with me, sitting here in the front room watching TV with mom and she is watching Ruby not sure why I am sitting here watching it. It makes me sad cuz I think that I relate to her so much and I am struggling with my weight. want to loss this weight so much but having a hard time with it cuz I think I am afraid to loss this weight some times I think what is the point know one cares and know one is ever going to want me.
Know ones want to be around me. Missing Kathy so much.
so scared my thought get so dark and makes me feel so down. want to know where my Happy place is I don't think I have one. does every one have one or is that a dream that will never come true. Is it all made up crap that your told when you are young. Do Dreams come true? What are my Dreams I don't have any and the ones I have will never come true. NEVER Come True, They don't exist any more!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sunday, July 25, 2010
where the time go
Its been awhile sense I have been on my blog I had some computer trouble so I had to get that fixed I guess I fried my mother board and had to get a new one so I lost almost everything its been a while getting things back on my computer, my sister died in February and I have not been the same guess still grieving I think every time the phone rings around 5pm or 6pm then I think its her. I miss her so much I didn't talk to her all the time but I still miss her.
we have had a cousin die from Cancer just this last week, I turned 38 this month oh my gosh 38 where did the years go? I had to get a new water heater as well the one I had I only had 9 years ugh! wow I have lived in my house for 9 years.
I have been trying to get my house refinanced so I can pay off a credit card and get out of debt its so hard to get out of debt but for some reason its so easy to get into debt.
We had a storm almost every day this week its been very hot as well but the last storm we had it made some tree limbs come down so I had to clean that up, I have a tree in the back that is split down the side so know I have to watch it when we have the next storm. I may have some more people live in my house not like I have enough now 3 people and 3 dogs the house fells small but may have 4 other people come live with me if they can't find a place to live soon, Don't understand why some people can't grow up and take responsible for they actions and life.
we have had a cousin die from Cancer just this last week, I turned 38 this month oh my gosh 38 where did the years go? I had to get a new water heater as well the one I had I only had 9 years ugh! wow I have lived in my house for 9 years.
I have been trying to get my house refinanced so I can pay off a credit card and get out of debt its so hard to get out of debt but for some reason its so easy to get into debt.
We had a storm almost every day this week its been very hot as well but the last storm we had it made some tree limbs come down so I had to clean that up, I have a tree in the back that is split down the side so know I have to watch it when we have the next storm. I may have some more people live in my house not like I have enough now 3 people and 3 dogs the house fells small but may have 4 other people come live with me if they can't find a place to live soon, Don't understand why some people can't grow up and take responsible for they actions and life.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
been a while
Its been a while since I was on my blog I had some trouble with me computer had to get a new hard drive and its taking me time to put everything back on it.
Its May almost June where had the time gone? Jesse will be in 9Th grade already and Kailie will be going into 8Th, school gets out for the summer on May 21 can you believe that school out for the summer.
Logan and Teegan will 4 years old in June they sure have grown up I love to talk to them they come up with the funniest stuff, when I see Logan now he runs up and gives me a hug and pats my back its so cute.
Not much has been going on same old same old just different stuff. Val and the kids never come over much as always only when they need something or wants something. I know it bothers val to come see mom (grandma) but mom is not getting younger and it should be that she would want to spend as much time with her as she has on this earth.
Work is slowing down and they are changing the hours again we have to go in hour earlier get to leave an hour earlier but that doesn't help much when its just hot its usually 10 degrees hotter in the building than out side.
well we just hope and pray they don't lay us off for lack of work, we work over time a lot this winter but then things just slow way down can't worry to much about it have to take one day at a time and one week at a time maybe if we do get laid off it will be only a few months.
Its May almost June where had the time gone? Jesse will be in 9Th grade already and Kailie will be going into 8Th, school gets out for the summer on May 21 can you believe that school out for the summer.
Logan and Teegan will 4 years old in June they sure have grown up I love to talk to them they come up with the funniest stuff, when I see Logan now he runs up and gives me a hug and pats my back its so cute.
Not much has been going on same old same old just different stuff. Val and the kids never come over much as always only when they need something or wants something. I know it bothers val to come see mom (grandma) but mom is not getting younger and it should be that she would want to spend as much time with her as she has on this earth.
Work is slowing down and they are changing the hours again we have to go in hour earlier get to leave an hour earlier but that doesn't help much when its just hot its usually 10 degrees hotter in the building than out side.
well we just hope and pray they don't lay us off for lack of work, we work over time a lot this winter but then things just slow way down can't worry to much about it have to take one day at a time and one week at a time maybe if we do get laid off it will be only a few months.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Not a good Year
This is been a bad year so far in February our sister went to heaven and now in March my Friend Karen's Husband Marty Died last night he had a heart attach and had suffered brain damage, they gave him 72 hours and then they would have to make some decisions so they started to take him of all the medaction and machines and he died. my Friend Karen will never be the same they were married for 34 years and she is not sure if she is coming back to work when she gets ready to work, if she don't I don't know what I will do she is a great friend and makes working better, we laugh a lot it helps the day go by faster. I am so sad for her I didn't know Marty that well but had meet him and I knew him from Karen talking about him, you will be missed and I know that your grand son will really miss you they were so close to each other.
my prayers are with the family.
my prayers are with the family.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
The worse week
our sister Kathy was told she had Kidney cancer and she didn't have to much longer to live and this all happened in the last 3 weeks and on February 13,2010 at 4:10am, she went to heaven to be with our brother Ray and our sister Ione. It seems so unreal, went to salt lake city to attend the Funeral and help my sister help clean out her apartment and take care of all of the things that needed to be done.
It was a hard week and now I am home and I sit here waiting for the phone to ring because Kathy has not called yet today and wondering why she has not called mom because she would call at least 2 or 3 times a day. Just to see what everyone was doing. I miss her and I know I was not that nice to her all the time some times I would not want to talk to her on the phone because I didn't have much to say and now that she is gone, I am mad at my self for not talking to her more. I am so mad because the doctors would not run test until she got so bad and she went into the hosptial but by then it was to late and the Cancer took her life. The one thing about this was she was at peace with it and she was ready to see the lord. I know that I am not as read as she was to see the lord and our brother and sister, we know she is in a better place.
You will be so missed!
It was a hard week and now I am home and I sit here waiting for the phone to ring because Kathy has not called yet today and wondering why she has not called mom because she would call at least 2 or 3 times a day. Just to see what everyone was doing. I miss her and I know I was not that nice to her all the time some times I would not want to talk to her on the phone because I didn't have much to say and now that she is gone, I am mad at my self for not talking to her more. I am so mad because the doctors would not run test until she got so bad and she went into the hosptial but by then it was to late and the Cancer took her life. The one thing about this was she was at peace with it and she was ready to see the lord. I know that I am not as read as she was to see the lord and our brother and sister, we know she is in a better place.
You will be so missed!
Friday, January 15, 2010
Yesturday
So I got a phone call on Thursday and it was Valerie and she was talking about how she is having a hard time coming over to my house to see mom because she gets mad at mom for not doing anything but sitting in the chair and sleeps a lot, I think Its got to be very hard for mom she is the type of person where she is on the go all the time and then she got sick and has to have some one help her more than she ever wanted or thought she would ever need. Its got to be the worse thing in the world to get old and have to have your kids take care of you.
I guess if you didn't have kids or family than I guess you would be put in a nursing home.
Any way I was on my way home for work and Val called me she wanted to talk to me about her day and mom and she told me she didn't have enough words to tell me how much she appreciate what I do for her and her kids, she wondered how I do all the things I do for mom as well for her and the kids and also Roni now that she is living with us. Val also said it takes a special person to do the things I do for my family, I don't know about being special but I guess I took the role of being responsible, some time I don't want to be responsible I would love to just take off and not come back for days but I know I can't do that because I have a job to do.
Its was nice to hear that some one appreciate the things I do.
I guess if you didn't have kids or family than I guess you would be put in a nursing home.
Any way I was on my way home for work and Val called me she wanted to talk to me about her day and mom and she told me she didn't have enough words to tell me how much she appreciate what I do for her and her kids, she wondered how I do all the things I do for mom as well for her and the kids and also Roni now that she is living with us. Val also said it takes a special person to do the things I do for my family, I don't know about being special but I guess I took the role of being responsible, some time I don't want to be responsible I would love to just take off and not come back for days but I know I can't do that because I have a job to do.
Its was nice to hear that some one appreciate the things I do.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
January
Its cold out side we had some snow fall on Thursday and it stayed with us for the most of the weekend the temperature is so cold that a lot of the snow has not melted, I made chili for the first time on Sunday, hope it taste good.
I changed the front room around and mom says it makes the room bigger but I don't know about that but I do like it.
Tonight it the family call its crazy all of us trying to talk at one time, I don't really have anything to say but at least they can talk to mom, I think Andy and Polli wanted to talk to but not sure how that is going to work.
I am so ready for spring!
well every one know that Roni and her 2 dogs have moved in the house with me its so strange nemo the Dalmatian thinks he is a lap dog he will get on your lap and lay he does get you nice and warm, you would think that he would lay on Roni's lap but he does get up on my lap I don't mind because I always wanted a lab dog.
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